and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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