It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
