i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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