i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
