I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
MIDGETS
????
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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