I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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