he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I have post one night stand depression
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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