Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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