i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
