I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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