can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How does it feel to date your dad?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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