Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
