Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
