i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
