I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
