Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
accomplished twins. life is a go
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
