It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
