it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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