Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
