Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
