Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
