Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
