my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
