do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
