why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
