do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
