Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
