Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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