just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
