Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
