awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
