Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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