this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
