I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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