i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
