That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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