Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We named our party play list daddy issues
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
