dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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