forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
