Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
