1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
