hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
