you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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