We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
