I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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