I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
