he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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