why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
