Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
