I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
