I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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