Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
