I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
