life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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