she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
